For someone who prefers quiet moments, my house can get pretty hectic. A typical Monday can see my son lounging around in the nude as his grandmother screams at him to get dressed before spirits steal his naked soul! In my opinion, my son can be naked all he wants but it’s not a battle I choose to have with the woman who brought me into the world and maybe, if pushed, can still take me out!
Looking back at my own childhood, my parents never really argued over how they would discipline me. My mother would loudly suggest that I eat my vegetables or whatever it was I didn’t like. I’d protest and my father would calmly say “Come on, leave the poor child alone, if she doesn’t want it, don’t force her!” And although that led to me having the weirdest diet plan ever, for the most parts, if I did anything wrong, both my parents eventually agreed on one chosen method of discipline but what if they didn’t?
Parenting is never easy and even when you raise a child with a partner you love; you can and will bump heads. Many of us tend to repeat the patterns of discipline we were taught as kids and that simply means that the way we were raised, plays a big part in how we choose to disciple our own children and when two people come together with different views on child rearing, it can be a major source of conflict.
So let’s suppose that you came from a home where spankings were allowed and your partner didn’t. Or what if you grew up in an environment where children were free to explore whilst your partner’s upbringing was more controlled. How do you, as a couple find common ground? Do you both sit calmly and discuss your options; throw your hands up in despair or does it turn into a battle zone? Don’t despair, parenting conflicts can be resolved and to help us along, I’ll share some really useful tips from the one and only. *Dr. Phil Mc Graw.- Psychologist and life strategist.
Recognize What Your Arguments Do to Your Children.
No child likes to see his or her parents fight. When you argue about what to do with your kids, you create a troubling environment for them, which could have serious long-term effects. Fighting with your spouse shifts the focus away from your child — and how they can learn to stop misbehaving — and on to a “parent versus parent” situation.
Negotiate a Plan in Calm Waters.
Sit down with your spouse and try to agree on ways to discipline at a time when nothing is wrong. When you discuss things calmly, you’re more likely to come up with a plan you can both stick to. This will allow you to talk about what’s best for your child, and not “who’s right.”
Present a Unified Front.
Kids understand when their parents feel differently about disciplining, no matter what their age. Children will often get away with misbehaving simply by creating an argument between you and your spouse — and this not only lets them off the hook, it creates a problem between the parents. Make sure that your child sees both parents following the same guidelines, no matter what the scenario. Once your kids start receiving the same treatment from both parents, they’ll stop using your disagreements as a way to avoid punishment.
My parents took the “talk it out” route. They would sit with me and tell me about choices, consequences and talking responsibility for my actions. They instilled messages that made me very conscious of the decisions I was making, especially in my teenage years and how those choice could affect my future and this is the same method I practice with my son today.
So what are your thoughts and what form of discipline do you use with your kids? I’d love to hear from you.
Katyan is the owner of Kleon Media Marketing, where they build social media presence. She joins the Baby Babble Team as a Top Blogger and a Radio Presenter.